Director’s Cut: Ghostbuster’s (2016) Love Interest

Ghostbusters’ (2016) extended cut was released on BluRay last week, and there’s a few deleted scenes worth mentioning. In fact, there is one whole character that got completely cut from the theatrical version altogether – Dr. Erin Gilbert (Kristen Wiig) had a love interest boyfriend Columbia colleague named Phil (played by Justin Kirk, star of Weeds).


Let’s all have a moment of silence for Justin Kirk, who worked on one of the most-talked about films of the year without any recognition or evidence that he was even a part of the movie, until now.

Was Phil cut from the movie to avoid the criticism that a female Ghostbuster doesn’t need a love interest or unnecessary romantic subplot? Or was he simply just cut for time? These are answers we do not yet have from director Paul Feig.

Regardless of the editorial reasoning, the three scenes with Phil are objectively funny, and do add some context to the theatrical version that was inherently missing.

We first see Phil introducing Erin Gilbert to his female colleague (who is played by Elizabeth Perkins, Kirk’s co-star on Weeds). Here, Dr. Gilbert affirms that she is proud to be published. She has a back and forth quips with the female colleague – and overall this scene adds to the fact that Dr. Gilbert really wants to be respected in the scientific community.

We next see Phil briefly when Dr. Gilbert is fired from her tenure at Columbia and she is seen leaving her office with a box of her belongings. He doesn’t acknowledge her or look her in the eye as she leaves. This is probably a direct result of the viral video of her screaming “GHOSTS ARE REAL!” which would have made him ~an intellectual~ to avoid her gaze.

The last and most important scene with Phil is right before the Ghostbusters go to capture the demon ghost at the metal concert. Phil shows up and pulls Gilbert aside on the sidewalk asking her what she is doing – and she responds that she has to go and that they’re [the ghostbusters] doing real work. This scene is notable not so much because of their interaction, but rather the fact that fellow ghostbusters Dr. Abby Yates and Patty Tolan hilariously judge Phil from afar.  Here is that scene.

I question why this character was cut and would love to know how the decision was made to scrap all of his traces in the theatrical version entirely.

Whatever the reason, RIP PHIL (2016-2016). We will miss you and our probable double v-necks.


Miley Cyrus is a non-binary, pansexual, happy hippie.

This past weekend Miley Cyrus was honored at Variety’s Power of Women event for her charity work alongside Helen Mirren, Ava Duvernay, Scarlett Johansson and Laverne Cox.


She arrived to Variety’s red carpet at the Beverly Hills Wilshire arm and arm with her main squeeze and former co-star Liam Hemsworth. She wore a cute, low cut navy and white lace-rimmed floral pantsuit, and her short bleach blonde pony was fastened atop her natural roots with a navy ribbon bow. Cyrus, all smiles, was honored for her charity work initiatives for the homeless.

The Miley Cyrus that spoke at the podium on Friday is unlike the many Miley Cyrus’ of the past. To be honest, this is my favorite Miley yet – because 2016 Miley so far has been all about helping people.

Hannah Montana died a long time ago.


imageIn her final Hannah days and since the Disney show’s official end in 2011, we’ve seen many different transformations of Miley Cyrus. At first she was ‘just bein’ Miley’ and then she couldn’t be tamed. The ‘Breakout’ star made it clear she no longer wanted to be associated with her former Disney franchise.

Her infamous 2013 ‘Blurred Lines’ VMA performance as a sexualized baby destroyed the Miley we thought we formerly knew. Subsequently, the release of her album Bangerz finished the job – ushering in a new, adult-yet-childish sexed up era of Cyrus in both her music and image.

Her long brown wavy layers disappeared into a short bleach blonde bun. Then her small bun disappeared into a a practically shaved blonde pixie cut. This was a Miley we hadn’t see before – she openly smoked weed, stuck her tongue out, and wore nipple-pasties. The world didn’t know what to think. Cyrus was subject to a ton of slut-shaming for expressing her comfort with nudity and twerking.

Following her VMA performance with Robin Thicke, an alarming amount of people criticized her sexual nature, rather than Thicke’s, who at the time was singing about how he knew a woman “wanted it” even though she had said no. Blurred lines of sexual consent? Yuck.

In 2013 Bangerz was new, it was good, and it was an iconic shift. This album was perhaps the first honest representation seen of Cyrus since the start of her music career. We Can’t Stop and Wrecking Ball were the songs of that summer, and suddenly everyone saw Miley Cyrus as much more than a former child-star. To teenagers everywhere she was dope, relatable, and something their parents didn’t approve of.

Since 2013 Miley has continued with her more honest, open, “I don’t give a f***” image. In 2014 she sent a homeless young man to accept her award at the VMAs on her behalf to raise awareness of homeless youth. Then, Cyrus was subject to controversy again when she hosted the 2015 VMA’s wearing white, matted dreadlocks, that some might describe as ‘hippy hair.’ This was problematic cultural appropriation – but aside from this, the real controversy centered around artist Nicki Minaj calling her out onstage for some pre-show comments made. Nicki’s Miley What’s Good? is now on T-shirts everywhere.

Since then, it seems Miley has rebounded by helping others. In 2015, Cyrus founded and appropriately named The Happy Hippie Foundation, a non-profit organization that rallies young people to fight injustice facing homeless youth, LGBTQ youth and other vulnerable populations. The foundations works with The Trevor Project, Planned Parenthood, and several suicide prevention centers. Last year she also released and toured for a completely free Soundcloud album, Miley Cyrus & Her Dead Petz. This was when it started to seem that Miss ‘I don’t give a f****’ did actually give a few f****s.

Fast forward to now, in 2016, Miley is in her most powerful final form: a happy, non-binary, pansexual hippie. She’s ditched the problematic  dreads (finally). She’s working heavily within charity and social activism – encouraging people to vote, raising awareness around LGBT issues, and showing us some authentic passions of hers.

She’s mentoring on The Voice, focusing on the music, and helping others. She recently revealed to Variety that she identifies as pansexual and is attracted to both genders. She also revealed that she is non-binary, considers herself genderless, and has never truly felt comfortable as a girl or as a boy. To many, Miley Cyrus coming out publicly adds validity to their own stories and identities, which are frequently misunderstood.

The Miley were are seeing now is evolved, open, and genuine. Some people are always going to hate Miley Cyrus. She is a symbol of sexual freedom, provocativeness, and female power (which we know is constantly being attacked – see: Donald Trump).

Whether you hate her or not, it’s time to give some credit where credit is due: 2016 Miley Cyrus does a lot for the homeless, LGBTQ+ communities, and struggling youth, all while continuing to work as a woman in Hollywood (no easy task there) mentoring aspiring and often underprivileged contestants on NBC’s The Voice.

I’m here for this Miley. 🎤👅 👏 Are you?


Saturday Night’s newest, familiar faces

Saturday Night Live season 42 premiered last weekend with a Trump/Hillary debate cold open, a first Family Feud, and many sexy Margot Robbie sketches.

The return of SNL means two things, out with the old and in with the new cast members.

Let’s all  take a moment to observe and commemorate  the fallen cast members who won’t be returning this season.

RIP to the SNL career’s of:

Taran Killam (2010-2016)


Mostly known for: Snooty 1800’s critic Jebediah Atkinson, Mokiki, French Dancing Fool, overall strong ensemble traits.


Jay Pharoah (2010-2016)


Mostly known for:
Jay-Z, Kanye West, Ben Carson, Katt Williams, Barack Obama, Eddie Murphy, Chris Rock, literally everyone else.


Jon Rudnitsky (2015-2016)


I’m sorry, who is this? Can someone please tell me? Is this the record for shortest SNL career in history?
Do you even go here?

Two of you will be dearly missed.


Now to the exciting part: NEW CAST MEMBERS. There’s three new names to know: Mikey Day, Alex Moffat, and Melissa Villaseñor.

I’m excited to say that I already recognize two of the newbies. I felt an inkling of familiarity watching Mikey Day on the SNL’s premiere and quickly realized he was in one of my favorite viral videos in middle school. He played Evan, a man terrorized by David Blaine in, the David Blaine Street Magic series. I still think this video is comedic gold. “You shrunk my Honda, you bitch!”

Melissa Villaseñor also resonated with me and I realized she was the person on the Vine who got famous a couple months ago for her INSANE “Oh wow” Owen Wilson impression. Her Vine, titled “Owen Wilson On A Date,” along with her Vine account has gone private since then, but she’s posted similar content on her YouTube.

As for Alex Moffat, I can’t say I’m familiar from first glance, so I guess he’s our SNL rookie underdog at this point.

Anyway, here’s what you need to know about each of SNL’s newest entertainers.

Mikey Day


From: Orange County, California

Also apparently dated (is dating?) Selma Blair. Hmm.

Previous Work: Friends with Benefits, Kath & Kim, The Jay Leno Show, MAD, Maya and Marty (current), Robot Chicken (current).

Debut characters: Matt Shatt, an unattractive croc-wearing husband whose marriage to an attractive woman (Margot Robbie) puzzles a news team. Donald Trump Jr. during Family Feud: Political Edition.

Known Impressions: James Vanderbeek

Alex Moffat


From: Chicago, Illinois

Previous Work: The Second City, ImprovOlympic, Annoyance Theatre, Zanies Comedy Club, and Uncle John (2015)

Debut Character: Eric Trump, during Family Feud: Political Edition, and a seismologist.


source: @melissavcomedy on twitter
source: @melissavcomedy on twitter

*The first ever Latina cast member in SNL’s 41 year history.
From: Whittier, California

Previous Work: Adventure Time, Family Guy, TripTank, America’s Got Talent Season 6, First Impressions

Debut Character: Sarah Silverman in Family Feud: Political Edition.

Known Impressions: Owen Wilson, Natalie Portman, Whitney Cummings, Sia, Zooey Deschanel, Barbara Walters, Jennifer Lopez, Hillary Clinton, Kate Micucci, Sonia Sotomayor, Kristen Wiig, Gwen Stefani.

I’m looking forward to an interesting season, here’s hoping these 3 fill the enormous shoes left for them!


Mansplaining, Womansplained

Since the first presidential debate on Tuesday, the term “mansplaining” has shifted back into the main spotlight following Trump’s incessant interruption of Hillary Clinton. Mansplaining, for those who don’t know, is a term used by women to describe when women are either interrupted or corrected by men unsolicitedly.

During Tuesday’s debate Donald Trump interrupted Hillary Clinton 51 times. He even told her some foreign policy tips, that you know, as Secretary of State, she doesn’t know anything about right? (To quote Trump in his whiny voice, “Wrong.”)

Women in power constantly have to deal with this because a lot of men feel as though even their uneducated opinions weigh heavier than an educated woman’s.

The term ‘mansplaining’ popped up in 2015, but this concept has existed since the dawn of time. Once, a boy at a party tried to tell me that I was pronouncing my own last name wrong. MY OWN LAST NAME.

Well I’ve come up with a solution to the problem. Let’s start womansplaining. Instead of ignoring stupid comments made by men in our lives (sorry not sorry, guys), let’s start correcting them. When someone tries to mansplain you, call them out, and womansplain them. Here’s 3 tips for womansplaining.

The first step to womansplaining is asking for sources: “Where did you read that?” “Are you sure?” “Why do you think that?” “Are you sure that’s not outdated information?”

The next step is to smirk and watch as your opponent in front of you begins to crumble and sweat once they realize they can’t quote Reddit as a source.

The third and final step is to educate; let them know why you believe differently, and why your perspective shouldn’t be dismissed.

To clarify, womansplaining unlike manplaining is not about talking over anyone. There’s no interrupting, or offering unwanted comments. Rather, it’s a response tactic/a way to move forward when mansplaining happens to you.

MANSPLAINING:A societal disease that affects approximately 50% of the population, curable, exists across the globe.Symptoms: uneducated comments, unsolicited advice, and sweeping generalizations. Often paired with a, “Well, actually..” Side effects include: headaches, eye-rolling, society-taught cynicism.

It’s time to fight this disease head on.

Scream Queens season 2 premiere: Bloody Bitches

Disclaimer: this post contains sass and SPOILERS. It can also be considered a hot take. For some cynical context,  here is the actual Wikipedia definition of a hot take:

A hot take is a journalism term derisively used to describe a “piece of deliberately provocative commentary that is based almost entirely on shallow moralizing” in response to a news story, “usually written on tight deadlines with little research or reporting, and even less thought.”

Now that the bar is set so high, (Thanks, Wikipedia!) let’s get to some “shallow moralizing.”

Season 2 of Scream Queens premiered last night on Fox and my initial thoughts are “STAMOS” and “My bitches are back.” If Ryan Murphy’s two shows, American Horror Story and Glee, had a drunken love-child, it would be Scream Queens.

ICYMI Season 1 of the horror-comedy-parody-whatever Ryan Murphy likes to call it-left viewers with an odd resolution. To recap, main bitches Chanel Oberlin (Emma Roberts), Chanel #3 (Billie Lourd), and Chanel #5 (Abigail Breslin) fell from power as Kappa Kappa Tau royalty and were charged with the serial murders that shook up campus last season. The trio was sentenced to life in an asylum as their ultimate fall from grace. The real murderer, or Red Devil Hester (Lea Michele) admits in almost Shakesperean soliloquy that the Chanel’s conviction was her biggest move yet. Dean Munsch (Jamie Lee Curtis) approaches Hester and admits to recognizing her as the bathtub baby and the killer, but Hester blackmails the Dean into not turning her in for the bloodbath on campus.

Season 2 starts up three years later in present day 2016. Dean Munsch has left her days at Wallace University behind her, traveling the word promoting her book and giving a TEDx Talk on “New New Feminism.”  For a humanitarian reason (or a creepy reason to be discovered later) Munsch’s latest project is purchasing a hospital and taking  on cases of the most incurable disaeses. With a new team of A-list actors yet D-list doctors, enter Dr. Brock Holt (John Stamos-have mercy!) and Dr. Cassidy Cascade (Taylor Lautner), Dean Munsch launches the C.U.R.E. Institute.



My favorite Munsch line so far was when she was accused of not being a real doctor and she responded, “That’s not true. They gave me the actual honorary doctorate they stripped from Bill Cosby.”


Feeling guilty about ghosts of the past, Munsch reaches out fan favorite sorority sister from last season Zayday Williams (Keke Palmer) and invites her to  work as a doctor at the hospital. She accepts and delivers my favorite Zayday line so far in this season: “I’m here for my M.D., not my M.R.S.”

Then, a flashback  reveals that The Chanel’s were set free from the asylum when former security guard turned FBI agent, sorry, special FBI agent, Denise Hemphill (Niecy Nash) presents video evidence of Hester admitting to the murders.  The Chanel’s get a Making A Murderer-style Netflix documentary about their innocence,  so you’d think  America would get  back on their side, however, the documentary just reveals that while innocent, the three are still just awful people in general.


The Chanel’s go from glamour to squalor; they get cut off from their wealthy families, and are forced to work. The three do go back to school to get their degrees in Communications, but “quickly realized that a degree in Communications is practically worthless.” OUCH. Me and my 50k a year education feel personally targeted. The Chanel’s get blue collar jobs to make some money, but they are miserable about it. Chanel works at a blood bank because she loves blood (shocking). Chanel #3 works as a janitor at a sperm bank, because she loves, um, bodily fluids and Chanel #5 just works as a dental assistant.

After Zayday complains to Dean Munsch that the hospital employees are mostly men, the perfect set up for the Chanel’s to return is created. Dean Munsch pays The Chanel’s a visit and offers them a chance to work in the new hospital as medical students.


The Chanel’s arrive on the scene in pink scrubs and in mean girl formation. Immediately they meet hospital administrator Ingrid Marie Hoffel (Kirstie Alley) and realize she’s HBIC. This doesn’t jive well with Chanel and it’s obvious that this season those two will have it out for each other, I’m excited.


The plot in the new hospital setting starts off by taking on the task as a hospital team to treat Catherine Hobart or “Hairy Mary” or “Sasquatch” played by SNL cast member Cecily Strong. Catherine is a patient that’s covered head to toe in body hair, and his been deemed incurable by all the other doctors in the area. Munsch and Zayday pledge to find a cure, while Chanel pledges to find a cure faster than Zayday for her own personal gain.

Chanel and Stamos–I mean, Dr. Holt–brainstorm and realize the answer is simple: image

Dr. Holt changes Catherine’s diet and it works-she loses her hair! Except she loses all of it…but that’s okay, because it sets up perfectly for a classic Scream Queens makeover scene. The girls give Catherine a wig, some drawn on brows, and she looks ready to Tinder.

Zayday congratulates Chanel and asks her if it feels good knowing she genuinely helped someone. In typical Chanel fashion she responds that if she’s learned anything, it’s that “though the power of the Internet, anyone can be an M.D.”

As the day at the hospital ends The Chanel’s get rewarded and sent home early, except for Chanel #5 (the Kevin Jonas of the three) who gets put on the night shift. During her shift, Chanel #5 takes the now hairless Catherine for a hydrotherapy bath, and feeling stressed, decides to take a bath too. The hydrotherapy baths lock into place, leaving both girls temporarily stranded with their just their heads exposed–and because this is Scream Queens, something bad is about to happen.

An hour goes by and the two hear a slicing noise of someone sharpening a knife outside their bath curtain (typical). Suddenly, a masked green figure appears with a blade, and the two girls plead that he kill the other girl instead. It’s unclear if the killer chooses one or the other, but he beheads Catherine, leaving Chanel #5 screaming. Catherine’s bald head lands on top of Chanel #5’s bath cover and then the episode ends with a dramatic out of view slice and screaming.


It’s unclear if Chanel #5 is hurt or not, but my guess is that she’s fine, because I don’t think they would kill her off this early.

My immediate thoughts of this episode that it was a lot of setting up and that the next few episodes should make more sense. I wonder if Grace from season 1 will return. This episode also had a lot of great quotes.


The preview for next week showed the return of Chanel’s ex Chad Radwell (Glen Powell), and I’m really excited for that. It also teased with a great Chanel #3 quote, “Yoga is just stretching for douchebags.”

The next episode will air next Tuesday at 9pm on Fox, but until then fans can catch up with the show’s hashtag on Twitter #ReadyToScream. I’m excited to see where this season goes and how bloody it will be. My prediction is that the Halloween episode will be the bloodiest. I also predict that Dr. Holt is a killer. Maybe not the killer, but he definitely will get some blood on his hands this season. Same goes for Dean Munsch. Until next week, I will be screaming internally about my day-to day life and wishing I was as on point as Chanel Oberlin. A girl can scream dream, right? 💋🔪💉 🎀

Jimmy Meant To Ruffle Some Hair; Ruffled Feathers Instead

The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon is receiving less than favorable reviews this weekend, following Thursday night’s playful guest segment with Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump.

Host Jimmy Fallon welcomed his guest not out of character–in his typical bubbly fanboy manner–but this time the persona that has enables him to do so well in late night didn’t do him any favors.

During the interview, The Donald and Fallon talk as pals, discussing board games, fast food, his “bromance” with Vladimir Putin, and how he gives the show a lot of material because he says shocking things.

Just for a little review, here’s some shocking things Trump has said.

About women:

“You know it really doesn’t matter what they write, as long as you’ve got a young and beautiful piece of ass.” – to Esquire in 1991.

“There was blood coming out of her eyes… blood coming out of her… wherever.” – to CNN, referencing Fox News debate moderator Megyn Kelly, in 2015.

“Women; You have to treat them like shit.” – to New York magazine in 1992.

His VP nominee Mike Pence has stated that under a Trump Administration landmark decision  Roe v. Wade will be overturned. 

About African-Americans and Jewish people:

“I’ve got black accountants at Trump Castle and at Trump Plaza — black guys counting my money!” “I hate it. The only kind of people I want counting my money are short guys that wear yarmulkes every day. Those are the kind of people I want counting my money. Nobody else. . . . Besides that, I’ve got to tell you something else. I think that the guy is lazy. And it’s probably not his fault because laziness is a trait in blacks. It really is; I believe that. It’s not anything they can control.” -in former employee, Joe O’Donnell’s memoir about working with Trump.

“A well-educated black has a tremendous advantage over a well-educated white in terms of the job market,” Trump said on the program. “I think sometimes a black may think they don’t have an advantage or this and that. I’ve said on one occasion, even about myself, if I were starting off today, I would love to be a well-educated black, because I believe they do have an actual advantage.”Trump said on an NBC-TV special called “Racial Attitudes and Consciousness Exam,” hosted by Bryant Gumbel.

About Mexicans:

“When Mexico sends its people, they’re not sending their best,” Trump said. “They’re sending people that have lots of problems and they’re bringing those problems with us. They’re bringing drugs. They’re bringing crime. They’re rapists.” “And some I assume are good people,” he added.

About Muslims:

“I would hate to do it but it would be something that you’re going to have strongly consider because some of the ideas, some of the hatred—the absolute hatred—is coming from these areas.” -Trump in November when asked if this administration would consider shutting down mosques.

Trump has said he was open to establishing a database for all Muslims living in the U.S.

Also shocking but uncategorized:

Donald Trump also said he believes the world would be much better off if Saddam Hussein and Moammar Gadhafi were still in power.

Though not out of character for the usually friendly Jimmy Fallon, many viewers were off put by his light-heartedness towards Donald Trump and took it straight to Twitter.



As a long time fan of Jimmy Fallon, scrolling through my timeline today was hard, but I am also not one to blindly-follow, so here is where the discussion begins:

Jimmy Fallon has for a long time branded himself as everyone’s friend. It has worked great for him. He fans over his guests just like anyone would, with “You’re so great”’s and “I love you”’s. See best friend Justin Timberlake’s celebrity impression of him here.

As viewers, this brand makes us too feel like Jimmy is our friend. We share TV dinners with him, occasionally tweet him, watch the show’s snapchat amidst our other friend’s snapchat stories–it feels real. Perhaps this is why so many are upset, Jimmy is a friend who seems to be friends with someone who a lot of people don’t want to be friends with, and he’s okay with that.

Jimmy Fallon is a comedian. He’s not a journalist. Does he have an obligation to fact-check Trump and get serious? Absolutely not. However that doesn’t mean we wouldn’t like him to, you know, at least acknowledge something for the sake of women, POC, and other things threatened by comments Trump has made.

The more I thought about how lightly glossed over the “shocking” things Trump has said was, the more I am confused. When I watched the segment back I was even more bothered watching Fallon throw his hands back in laughter when Trump says Monopoly was his favorite game (Was it really THAT funny?).

It also got me thinking, how come Fallon hasn’t said anything? I understand that he tries to remain neutral, but he doesn’t really have to do that. Just a timeslot later, Seth Meyers does it. He has a Closer Look segment on Trump almost every week. Samantha Bee does it on TBS. Stephen Colbert and John Stewart have done it. John Oliver has done it. So, why not Jimmy? Jimmy, a friend of everyone, a friend of women, POC, and a friend to many that Trump has said some “shocking” things about. I can’t For help but wonder how The Roots felt during all of this, as someone who hasn’t condemned the KKK’s support of himself sat across them on stage and joked around with their friend Jimmy. Weird, right?

Jimmy Fallon meant to ruffle his hands through Trump’s infamous hair, but in doing so he ruffled a lot of feathers. I truly wonder if he will address this and how The Tonight Show will choose to move forward. I doubt this will turn away viewers from watching the show, but it certainly has a left a bad taste in some mouths.

Group Texts Are About To Get 100% More Annoying

iOS 10 is finally here. Well, almost. Tomorrow on Sept. 13th, the completed software update is set to grace every iOS supporting phone or device applicable. iOS 10 buzz thus far has mainly revolved around the two biggest iOS makeovers yet-an entire new iMessage platform and an aesthetically new notifications system. The chosen ones, aka Apple’s beta users, have been testing out this software for months, but this morning Apple made the beta public. So if you’re like me and just can’t wait until tomorrow, try it out

After asking a few longtime beta users on Twitter, and putzing through the beta myself, I’ve come to a few conclusions. 

The biggest change is the amount of effects in iMessage and I can already tell that my friends and I will misuse these features like crazy. Does anyone else remove themselves from group texts that get out of IIDA hand? Well it’s about to get crazy. 

iMessage’s new  bubble effect features include:

-Slam: In case you want to have your message body-slam the recipient’s screen; creating dust and angst while doing so. 

-Loud: To virtually yell at your recipient; text appears huge before shrinking back to regular size. I imagine Trump will use this.  

-Gentle: For when you feel really really small and want to pretend you’re whisperering instead of texting.

-Invisible Ink: *This one has the most potential to go out of hand. Use this to send a message hidden underneath a pixelated overlay. The recipient has to swipe their finger over the text to uncover your deepest darkest secrets.

All of these effects work on photos too, so you can now…uh-send secret photos to someone that they have to swipe to reveal…Anyone else afraid of this potential? 

Then there’s screen effects:

-Balloons: So you can send floating balloons in your message to soften hard news, or you know, congratulate someone (but that’s boring.)

-Confetti: You can now make it rain confetti on someone’s screen, because why not? 

-Lasers: Your message is surrounded by lasers. It’s the best one. I don’t see any justification for messages to NOT be sent with lasers now. This is the new standard. 

-Fireworks: Set off fireworks in your texts to be cheesy: “Our conversations are literal fireworks, babe.” 

-Shooting Star: A shooting star goes across the screen. Use this to send fake wishes: “Wishing on this star that you weren’t constantly testing my nerves.”

Another new feature in iMessage, which more and more seems to resemble Facebook Messenger, is that you can now react to someone’s text by holding it down and clicking on different reactions “Haha, ?, !!, thumbs up, thumbs down, and a heart.”

Heart. That reminds me. There’s also a feature in iMessage called Digital Touch you can activated by holding down on your screen. The Digital Touch Options are:

-Sketch: Draw anything with one finger.

-Tap: Tap with one finger. It makes a circle. I don’t know why you’d send this to someone? 

-Fireball: Press with one finger and it creates a glowing fireball. 

-Kiss: Tap the screen with two fingers and it sends a pink smooch.

-Heartbeat: Tap and hold with two fingers.

-Heartbreak: Tap and hold with two fingers, then drag down, to let someone know they’ve disappointed you.  

The thought of participating in a grouptext with these features available is already headache-inducing. We are not mature enough for this technology. Society is not ready. 

Other beta users on Twitter had different ideas about which iOS 10 feature stand out the most. @SamuelSokol thought, “For me it’s the widgets pane, the improved 3D Touch widgets, and the HomeKit integration. The notifications are both better for interactions but aesthetically worse than iOS 9.” Another beta user @acidflip thought similarly about the redesign of notifications.

Whether of not we are all responsibly ready, new notifications,snazzy texts, and improved widgets hit screens everywhere tomorrow once iOS is officially released to the public.